Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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