Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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