he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
