so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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