to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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