Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
