Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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