dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
