I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
