I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize