I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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