So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
