why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize