So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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