That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
