I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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