yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
