My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
