Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
