Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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