I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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