i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
