life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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