U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize