The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
