the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
