We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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