He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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