ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
