woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
