and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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