He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
