It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
