I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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