I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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