He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When are your genitals available?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
