Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
