You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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