she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize