Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
