is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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