where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
