The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can't special order awesome
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
