They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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