Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
