Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
