Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
