Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize