Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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