also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
