Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
