i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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