He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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