Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
