Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
