Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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