I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
