I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Welp...herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
