I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
