he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
