Pappa wants mamma naked
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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