i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
