Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
