My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
