I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
