I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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