i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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