Swine flu. Run for my life!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
