i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
