hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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