I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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