If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this boner is exhausting
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
