It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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