Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
